Can I tell you something up front? Building empathy in marriage is not for the faint of heart. I get questions all the time about what it actually takes to have a faith-filled, resilient marriage in a world that’s celebrating contracts instead of covenants. If you’ve ever looked at your spouse and wondered how you can both feel heard, seen, and supported in the real mess of life, you’re not alone. Finding God in hard times can guide you through faith and grace.
In our latest podcast episode, Shannon and I spoke honestly about what sets strong, Christ-centered marriages apart. And here’s what I’ve learned in my own messy, lovely, imperfect marriage – it isn’t perfection. It’s about empathy, resilience, and taking ownership. Let’s break it down together like we’re talking over coffee with our Bibles and a pile of unfolded laundry on the table next to us.
What Does Building Empathy in Marriage Actually Mean?
Let’s start here. Building empathy in marriage means stepping into your spouse’s world, feeling what they feel, and carrying their burdens alongside them. It’s not just patting them on the back and saying, "You’ll be fine." It’s the kind of love that climbs into the mess, stays present, and listens more than fixes.
How many of us have walked past our spouse’s struggle and offered halfway comfort? (Hand up here.) But I realize, every time I pause and sit with my husband in his disappointment or his doubt, that’s where building empathy in marriage gets real. It shifts the atmosphere in our home. You can feel when understanding flows, even when solutions don’t show up right away.
Scripture puts it this way: “Carry one another’s burdens; in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.” (Galatians 6:2, CSB) Building authentic Christian community during adversity is a practical way to live this out.
Empathy Is More Than Feeling Sorry
Some people confuse empathy with just feeling sorry. There’s nothing wrong with compassion, but empathy climbs down where the pain is and walks through it together. And that’s the kind of marriage that lasts. I remember times in our marriage when words didn’t fix a thing. But sitting by his side, praying out loud for wisdom, just being there – that changed everything. The little things matter. A soft word at the right moment. A willingness to listen. Praying together even when you don’t see the answer yet. That’s building empathy in marriage in the trenches.
Why Resilience Matters for a Faith-Filled Marriage
I always say, marriage is equal parts joy and hard work. Building empathy in marriage is a muscle, just like resilience. It’s not about having all the answers or never messing up. It’s showing up, even when you’re tired or frustrated or just plain done. Can I share a secret? There are days when my to-do list swallows me whole. But when I choose patience and hear my husband’s heart, we both come out stronger. That’s resilience in action.
Small Steps Toward Lasting Strength
- Pray together every day, even if it’s just one minute
- Share one thing you’re thankful for over dinner
- Turn off your phones for one hour and talk – about anything
- Hold hands during the tough conversations
- Say I’m sorry and mean it
Building empathy in marriage looks like these small steps, repeated when it’s easy and especially when it’s hard. They build habits that hold us steady when storms roll in.
Taking Ownership: Why Radical Responsibility Changes Everything
Can we talk for a second about radical ownership? It’s not a buzzword, it’s a way of living. When I stopped looking at my spouse to "fix it" and instead asked God what needs to change in me, our marriage changed. Building empathy in marriage starts with me before it moves to us. If you’ve ever tried to pray, “God, change my husband (or wife),” maybe you’ve felt the nudge to shift that prayer toward, “God, what do you want to do in me?” That’s where ownership begins.
Covenant Over Contract: Shifting the Mindset
A marriage built on a contract breaks when things get hard. But God’s design is covenant. It’s saying, "I’m all in, no back door." Even when it’s not my fault, I get to take responsibility for loving well. That’s building empathy in marriage at its roots. When we both do this – even if it’s imperfect – something supernatural happens. Grace grows. Walls come down.
How to Keep Building Empathy in Marriage Every Day
If you’re wondering how this looks on a normal Tuesday, I get it. Life gets busy. We forget what matters most when there’s homework to sign, dinners to make, and schedules running six different directions. But here’s what helps keep building empathy in marriage front and center. We make small, steady choices.
- Praying out loud – even just a few words before work
- Worship music playing in the kitchen
- Inviting kids into the prayer, letting them see what real faith looks like
- Reaching out to married friends for accountability and encouragement
- Joining a local church small group
And when things fall apart for a day (or week)? We dust off, apologize, and start again. God’s mercies are new every morning – so are the chances to build empathy in marriage and start again with your person.
When Empathy and Ownership Meet, Marriage Thrives
This is where it gets beautiful. When I show up for my husband as his biggest supporter, not his critic, we both feel safer. When he does the same for me, our marriage grows roots. Building empathy in marriage and taking real ownership changes the atmosphere in our family. It changes how our kids see love. It changes how we show up for our neighbors and friends. That’s community impact, right there in your living room.
Why Community and Connection Help Build Empathy in Marriage
Let me tell you, every time I think our marriage is just a two-person project, God reminds me that faith-filled couples need others around them. People who will pray with us, sit at our table, share stories, and honestly say, "Me too." Maybe you haven’t found your tribe yet. Don’t give up. Ask God for community and keep opening the door to real relationships. Building empathy in marriage happens faster and deeper when we let others in.
Simple Ways to Invite Community Into Your Marriage
- Host a dinner for another married couple
- Share your struggles and wins – don’t pretend to be perfect
- Pray for another couple by name
- Look for ways to serve – sometimes pouring out encourages your own heart too
How the Gospel Models Building Empathy in Marriage
Jesus didn’t walk by our mess. He stepped into it with open arms. He called us to something higher – a love that sits, listens, cries, and prays together in the hard places. Building empathy in marriage is one way we live out the gospel at home. We stop fixating on what the other person hasn’t done. We celebrate the "get to" moments. We show up, even in the mess, and we choose to love anyway.
I remember something we said on the podcast: Marriage is meant to kill self. That sounds heavy, but it’s actually the best news. Because when I stop trying to win all the arguments and start learning to win my spouse’s heart, building empathy in marriage stops being a burden. It becomes joy.
Takeaways for Building Empathy in Marriage That Lasts
- Start each day with a prayer for your own heart to soften
- Choose gratitude – thank God for your spouse every day
- Be the first to listen, not the first to fix
- Invest in relationships that lift both of you up
- Remember, it’s not about perfect days but faithful, intentional choices
Are you up for a new perspective? I am. Building empathy in marriage will not just change your home – it will ripple out to every relationship around you.
Friend, if this resonates with you, please share it with someone who could use a fresh dose of hope. Go check out the full "Faith-Filled Marriage in a Secular World" episode for more real stories and practical ways to put faith in action in your marriage. Even the smallest shifts in perspective can move mountains. Let’s keep building empathy in marriage and making our homes stronger, together.
